what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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