she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
