yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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