I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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