saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
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The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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