I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize