So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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