I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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