I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
my poor anus
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
