your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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