I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
