Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
