Small penises have feelings too.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
