roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
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you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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