I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
