How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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