YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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