i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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