i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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