i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
