I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
