I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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