It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
