We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Pants are for mortals
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
