It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
