my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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