I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
