i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
