great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
