Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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