matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
