The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
