one might say we're banned from that church
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
