i don't like sucking hair
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Randomize
