Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Randomize
