if you like me you must not know who I am
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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