my mouth tastes like poor choices
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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