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• (818): View more from California

  apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"

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• (712): View more from Iowa

  I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?

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  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (207): View more from Maine

  I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?

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• (972): View more from Texas

  I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.

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  If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (631): View more from New York

  So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt

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• (571): View more from Virginia

  i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.

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