You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
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You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!