It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.