The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
