part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
