Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just want to make out with him forever
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
