You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
