Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
