the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
