You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
