Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
