Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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