I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize