my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
