You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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