How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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