Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
jump out the window naked night went bad
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