Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
