your parents love me but you hate me
You can't special order awesome
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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