I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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