ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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