The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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