i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
