we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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