Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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