I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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