no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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