I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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