it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
